Stoopid Monkey - Mother and Wife trying to cope with loss

Joels Story .... part one

2008-11-13T22:49:00.000-08:00

Lexy has been promising to type up my version of what happened but has been putting it off and I don't blame her, so to make it easier on her I'll type it up.

On Tuesday October 28Th, I took the day off to take Lexy to her high risk ob appointment since she wasn't feeling too well and didn't want to drive the hour and a half there. Did the norm, piss in a cup, get weighed, blood pressure and go sit in a room. Doctor Lady comes in and checks the height of her stomach and feels a round and then the Doppler comes out... nothing, can hear Lexy's faintly but that's it. She moves it around and Lexy squeezes my hand. I can see the fear on her face and she just closes her eyes and holds her breath like it's a dream and she's trying to wake up. Doctor Lady said she's going to do an ultra sound. I notice Lexy breathing heavy and I admit I was scared shit-less but I knew I had to stay strong for Lexy because I am her rock, always have been when anything got tough and I knew if she knew I was worried and scared she would lose it. Within a minute the ultra sound was going and both the babies had no heart beat. Doctor Lady delivered the news at 11:11am. I looked at the clock for some odd reason and will never forget that exact moment. Lexy broke down and screamed why and asked a million times how and what happened and holding her stomach and repeating that she was sorry. I don't know to whom, me or the babies. Doctor Lady cried along with her. I did too but I had to pull Lexy together and being with her since we were teenagers I knew that I shouldn't show how much I was hurting too not yet at least. We sat in the room just holding each other for about a half an hour when Doctor Lady brakes the silence and asks us what we wanted to do. Let Lexy's body miscarry on it's own, get a D&C or find out answers by doing an autopsy but that would mean that Lexy would need a c-section. She said we could stay and think about it as long as we wanted. We talked and talked. The pros and cons of everything and Lexy stated that she defiantly didn't want to let her body miscarry on it's own because who knows how long that would take and that would delay every ones healing time. We chose to have the autopsy mainly for Lexy to have closure and figure what happened to our babies. We scheduled it for October 29Th at 10am and we had to be there at 9am.
She comes home and just goes to bed and cries herself to sleep. I make all the phone calls to family and my work to let them know that I will not be going in the morning. Her wonderful father rushes over and offered to take the children for however long needed. We pack their things up and talk about everything and wishes he could do more and to give Lexy his love since she locked herself in the bedroom. I leave her alone for a while and then unlock the door and asked her if she wanted to give the kids a kiss good by and she said to send them in as she didn't want to deal with anyone. After the kids leave she takes some Tylenol pm and goes cries some more until it kicks in and shes out for the night. I however couldn't sleep. That's when I broke down and just prayed all night long. Mainly about keeping Lexy safe and sane and give her the strength she needs to get threw this.
What seemed like days but was only hours and it was morning. I woke Lexy and she took a quick shower and we headed off to the hospital. When we got there we had no clue where to go, so we asked the lady at the front desk "My wife Crissie B---(Alexia/Lexy to all you guys since she hates her first name) has a .... c-section scheduled today and we don't know where to go" She looked at Lexy and probably thought she was just a regular pregnant woman since she was measuring 32 weeks for a singleton pregnancy at the day before appointment and told us to go to Labor and Delivery.

I will end this here for tonight. Since it's almost 2am and I have to be at work in 5 hours. Glad I got a nap today but for now I will snuggle up with my wife since she is in one of her low moments. She hasn't taken an anti-depressant in 3 days and is doing rather well. Only about 2 brake downs a day now and that is VERY good to what it use to be. Thank you all for your prayers, support, cards in the mail, flowers and gift cards. You all are family!

Hot Damn (award & exciting news to boot)

2008-11-12T20:27:00.000-08:00

.....hey that's one of my favorite type of liquor and what I got all fuckerd up on last night :) Yesterday Joel and I dropped the kids off at dads and we went out to the bar and grill , yes on a Tuesday night. Joel got his days off switched on him :( Anyways we went to the bar and I had a few shots of Kamaquasi and some yummy queso and Joel wore his pretty pink bracelet they gave him to show that he was the designated driver and got free cokes all night. After we stopped at the liquor store get Joel some Jack and he asked what I wanted and I said surprise me. I figured he would get me my Tequila Rose but no he got me a bottle of 100 Proof Hot Damn. I drank that sucker in 2 hours and do not and I repeat do NOT chase it with Big Red soda YUK and it makes it burn even more! Needless to say by 2am I was barfing my ass off and I still feel hing over and Joel just laughs at me, thanks hun love ya too.

I got a comment that Alicia from Two B's and Me had something with my name all over it :) I mosey my way over there and WOOT WOOT I gots me an award! It seriously made my day :) THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

So, here are the rules to receiving this award:

1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.
2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions:

On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then "add image" it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the "picture" gidget.Also, don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.

My 5 addictions that keep me going: (and in no particular order mind you)

1. Internet - I need it! I seriously cannot live without it. Even if I just stare at the word Google on my home page I am okay.
2. Money - We have a love hate relationship! I loooove it so much but I (well hubby) hates me spending it on stupid shit. Hey a new washer and dryer are not stupid and car that we do not need is stupid! So there asshole!
3. My bed - Those days in the hospital I missed my sleep number bed. I now I am not spoiled because I cannot sleep without it
4. Flip Flops - I am obsessed with them! I have over 50 pairs YIKES My fav are my Texas Longhorn ones :)
5. Purses - I have 10 times the purses as flip flops. Know the storage bins, well I have 4 of them full and need another because I buy one EVERY TIME I got to a store. Sad I Know :)

And for the lovelies that I will share this award with:

Kami (the Murphy 4)
Anni (3's Company but 4's a party!)
Tiffany (The Pifer Family)
Kym (Smart One)
Lauren (Will Baby Make 4)

Okay are you NOW ready for the exciting news? Were going to start surrogacy and egg donation process after the holidays. We want to have worry free holiday and no worry about crossing all the T's and dotting the I's just yet. We have talked with a few agencies today to get price lines in our heads and yes defiantly after holidays with those prices LOL

Thank you

2008-11-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

I wish I could hug all of you! You all are great support and I needed it so much and still do. I'm home now, been for a few days. Just been sleeping my life away it seems. I've been readding all the blogs, sorry for not commenting but I am there reading. 2ww I still go on and lurk but it's so hard because they are all still pregnant (dont get me wrong I want them and ya'll to stay pregnant and have healthy babies) and one of the girls just had her beautiful little boy and yeah I'm jealious. *In due time I will have mine, I keep telling myself and I am forever greatdul for my two I have.... It's just really hard* Days are getting a little better, little less crying, staying awake more. Joel has giving me his story. I'll type it up tomorrow, as the pain killers and sleeping pills are kicking in. So, if this post is incoherent you know why.
We got the autopsy reports back. Elija's (baby A) said Intrauterine Sudden Death (in other words unknown) and Emmaline's (Baby C) was Maternal Infection and Trisomy 21. I had an infection in my uterus and that explains why I wouldn't stop bleeding.
Joel and I talked today about persuing surrogacy. We don't know when. I know I want to be off the anti-depressants. So, it eoepend when I am "better", I guess. I am looking at either to go with an agency or go independent like Kym. I like to be incontroll but I would like to go an agency in case problems arrise. We have agreed to use a gestational surrogate (not the biologically related to the baby) and egg donnor and not a traditional surrogate (where the carrier would be the biological mother plus by Texas laws you cannot do a traditional surrogacy unless they give birth in another state. Down fall is, gestational is more expensive along with an egg donnor and agencies also charge an arm and a leg.
Wow I cant see straight guess it's time for me to get back in bed.

One Special Nurse

2008-11-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

I have a special nurse who is a huge help. She's this old little lady, and a typical 60 year old nurse who works the night shift. Still wearing the old school white shoes, tights and dress and last night she has pink over coat on. Last night I couldn't bear to look at my journal anymore. I made Joel go to the house and get my Paint Shop Pro cd and a couple font cd's so I can install it on my laptop. He didn't want to leave me alone. Ms. Sally (the nurse) said she could stay with me since she didn't have to rounds for another 3 hours and another nurse could cover her if needed. I'm on a regular floor, not the maternity floor. Joel took almost 5 hours because he couldn't find it and wanted to put up the few baby stuff that we bought over the weekend. She staid with me all but 15 minutes just so she could get her dinner. Ms. Sally shared her dinner with me. It was the best homemade potato pancakes I ever had! We talked a lot. We staid up til 5:30am talking when the sleeping pill finally kicked in. We talked about everything. Her loss of her husband and children. I asked a lot of questions on how she handled the depression and all the anger and if was I feel is normal or not. Tonight she said we'll have another dinner date if I am still up. I am actually looking forward to it. She asked what I was in the mood for and I told her anything but fish so we'll see what she brings.

It's Over

2008-11-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't been on because I lost the babies and I am still in the hospital because there were some complications.

Tuesday Oct. 28th Ihad my normal MFM appointment and she couldn't hear any heartbeats with the dopler so plops the goo on my stomach for the ultrasound and A & C had no heartbeats. We all cried and tried to figure out why/how/what happened. She said that I had 1 of 3 choices.
•Wait it out and let my body miscarry on it's own.
•Get a D&C
•Have a c-section on Wednesday and do an autopsy to figure out what caused it.

My husband and I talked about it and decided that the c-section would be the best answer for us and to help with closure when we find out the results.

This is by far the hardest thing ever I could possibly wright.

Here is what happened from what I can remember (I'll have Joel do his version tomorrow)

Our doctor set an appointment for me to have a c-section on Wednesday morning. We go there. At first the stupid hospital had me waiting in Labor and delivery where I could hear babies crying and I just wanted to run away. My doctor apologized for the confusion and told them to send me to another floor but obviously they didn't. She took me to the operating room I drank some nasty shit that almost made me throw up.. I had to swallow it down. The anesthesiologist came in and I got my epidural and it kicked in fast. I laid back down and my doctor came in and I remember her not strapping my arms to the table. I remember them criss crossed on my chest while Joel had his hand on top of mine. I remember her saying A is a BOY and C is GIRL. Then things started going fuzzy. I started seeing dots and was dizzy and breathing was getting difficult. I told Joel who told the anesthesiologist. Next thing I see is lights in my eyes telling me that it's going to be okay and they are going to put me under general anastetic because they are having difficulty stopping my bleeding.
Then I was in recovery room with Joel sleeping in the chair. Apparently 9 hours passed. I don't remember much (Joel said he will tell me details when I am ready but I'm just not yet - have to deal with this first) Very long story short.. The bleeding wouldn't stop. They ended up giving me a complete hysterectomy. I had 3 blood transfusion.
We are still waiting on the results of the autopsy. A was "born" (can't get a certificate of fetal death or any type of certificate at that because I wasn't at least 20 weeks. I am LIVID and hurt about that!) at 9:56am weighing 3.2oz and 4.12 inches and C was "born" at 9:57 weight 2.87oz and 3.94inches.
Joel told me he was able to hold them in his hand for a few minutes and said that they were so tiny and adorable. They were redish-but you can see the bones threw it he said they were the softest babies hes ever touched. I wish I could of held them. It hurts a lot that I couldn't. I want the results back now damn it. I want my babies back. I want to be at my own home in my own bed and out of this friggin hospital. I will give anything for my babies.
Within a month I lost all three babies, my reproductive organs, my chance to ever get pregnant. my chance of ever having more biological children, and my heart. I feel so depressed and mad at the same time.

Houston - We Have Problems

2008-10-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday My MFM (maternal fetal medicine aka high risk ob) called and gave me some fucked up news. I started typing it last night but I just couldn't finish. I hope everyone understands why I couldn't just blert it out yesterday. I had to be a Debby downer and let it soak in without the comments and adjust. You guys are so supportive and I am very thankful for that.
She got my glucose levels back 201 YIKES very high, Then I felt very relieved that it was all she was going to say and I can handle Gestational Diabetes. She explained the medicine she was putting me on and set a date with the nutritionist. My grandfather had Type II diabetes so I know how to do the injections and check the blood.
Then she said "I reviewed the ultrasound pictures a little bit ago and remember how I said C has too much fluid.. It's because you have Polyhydramnios" She explained it and holy shit I am scared shitless. She said it's the first case she's ever see in real life and not in text books. Only 2 out of 100 pregnancies get it and 1 out of 100 pregnancies get it THIS bad. GREAT make ME the special one God. She said that C has as much fluid in her sac as a 28 week gestation baby. It can can be caused by birth defect, heart defect and even diabetes. Well damn. She said in a few weeks I may start having trouble breathing because the fluid is making my uterus bigger and when that happens she will hospitalize me until the babies are born. Guess I'm huge because of that and not bloat. My stomach is measuring 29 week gestation of a Singleton, that I forgot in my update yesterday. Ok no more side tracking (that's why I couldn't finish yesterday)
There are some risks and she faxed me some helpful yet scary facts, information and statistics. About 20 pages worth.
Here are some of the risks.
•Preterm rupture of the membranes (PROM)
•Umbilical cord accidents
•placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
•poor growth of the fetus
•Stillbirth
•C-section
•Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
The list goes on.
She's figuring that C is the one with Down Syndrome. She will not to an amnio to test for the downs or to reduce the fluid because I already lost Triplet B - Emilie and she doesn't want me to lose A or C. I am perfectly fine having a child with Downs or whatever she may come out with. I just want my babies to be in my arms and safely out of my horrible body. I feel so let down by my body and I get so angry at it for causing pain to the three little helpless children. One is gone and I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to work on. Like - why didn't we use a surrogate knowing my body sucks, how would this all paned out if I selectively reduced (I don't regret not reducing the though just crosses my mind every now and then), maybe if I paid more attention to my body Emilie would still be here. Stuff like that.
She said there are some treatments that could work and the only one we can do is medication to help reduce it but in turn that will reduce A's. She said that is up to me. Then there is the Amnioreduction which is an amniocentesis and that is too risky with twin alone never mind with my miscarriage history. And then there is birth - that is totally out of the question.
sigh
thank you for your support! Love you all!

Long day & Belly

2008-10-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

Last night just as I was just chatting away on the computer and I hear my son crying I go and try comforting him, patting his butt rocking him etc. Nope he's wide awake and stays awake til 5am. I climb into bed and settle down and bam my alarm starts going off at 6am. Well that blew that idea out of the water. So I start getting ready and start getting my daughter ready to catch the bus. I wake my son up around 7:25 to start getting him ready so I can go to my appointment.
Babies are measuring a day behind and that's odd because they were always 5 or more days a head. A's heartbeat is 134 and C's heartbeat is 147bpm. My iron is REALLY low. Got some iron pills and I had protein in my urine so tomorrow I get to drive an hour+ again and take the Glucose test tomorrow. I felt like a walking zombie. I didn't nap until about 4pm when he finally passed out on the coffee table. It was only for about an hour maybe an hour and a half.
Here it is 10pm and it feel like 4am. The tylenol codien has kickin and I think I'm finally going to get some good sleep even though I have to be up at 6am. I also have to interview another nanny/helper tomorrow since Carrie quit :(
Here is my 14 week pic... still got some bloat but my arms have gotten fatter lol

Very cute and for a good cause!

2008-10-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

One of the many blogs I follow along daily is Kyms. At times she has me laughing so hard I piss my pants and sometimes I cry. She has been down the road of infertility and has beautiful blessings of her own and has is doing an amazing job of helping others have children by becoming a gestational surrogate mother. I know, at first I was like huh how can that be possible LOL but she has done it! She is about to start another journey of helping Chance become a mom :) She has made this beautiful necklas/bracelet that she hand ingraved and not the easy way with a machine but by hand to help raise money for the surrogate journey. We all know IVF is expensive but surrogacy is A LOT more expensive. I know.. I researched when our RE brought it up. Here is a link to her Etsy Shop to buy one or like Kym said SEVEN... HEHEHE I will be getting one :)

Midlife crisis at 29?

2008-10-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

I seriously think my husband is going threw a midlife crisis.
Okay let me start here... In April when gas was horrendous we traded in my husbands 08' Dodge Ram SRT10 (the one with the viper v10 engine) for a Prius and I kept the Expedition knowing that we were expanding our family. TODAY around 6pm he comes home from paying a few bills in Austin but guess what....
He traded in the Prius for a 09 Dodge CHALLENGER!! How in the living hell are we going to fir 4 kids (3 in carseats and one in a booster) in the back along with the us two. IT'S A TWO DOOR!!! WHAT IN THE LIVING BEEGEEZOUS WAS HE THINKING?!?!?!?!? He has been raiving that it had only 3 miles on it when he drove it off the lot and that it was taken right from the show room floor. Never mind that we have two children AND two more on the way.
It's a neat nifty car and I would love to have if we didn't have children or they all didnt require some type of carseat. I cannot drive it because it is 6 speed. OhMyGosh he tried saying "but baby it has longhorn orange racing stripes and all the LED lights on the inside are that color, see I was thinking of you" The door handles, cup holders and everything has freaking lights. I love it, its a freaking sweet muscle car but no way is it even remotly smart to get.
What pisses me off is that he didn't even let me know he was getting it.
Ugh I have no clue what to do with him. Below is a picture that I found on the net of what it looks like, it's too dark to take one with my cam. It's the same(minus the 20 inch rims it came with too) but colors are flip-floped
::Sigh::
Seriously ladies I NEED your opinions.... Should I make him take it back to the dealer Monday? Should I let him keep it? We do have my Expedition for family rides....
What would you do if your husband did that? Or has he done something like that?

TGIF!

2008-10-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

Wait is it firday? I sure hope it is or I'd sound like a total ass HAHA. I am so lost on my days.
Hubby is out and about today and I am sorta glad haha. He has been getting on my nerves and all he does during the day is play Xbox or PS3. He got a couple new games and one is Saints Row 1 & 2 and my goodness they swear worse then I do when I get drunk and thats bad. So, he is only allowed to play it when our daughter is either not around or in bed.
I want to make beef stew for tomorrow but I have no frigging clue how LOL plus I have no fresh veggies LOL Maybe I'll search for a recipe. I am geeting very antsy and need to get off my ass so maybe for an hour I'll cook some food because yeah my lame ass husband cannot cook for shit and walk around the house for a few minutes to get my legs going.
My wisdom teeth are coming in... great! They friggin hurt like a SOB! I'll have to make an appointment to make sure they are not impacted. Ugh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm off to lay down now!

grr and just talk

2008-10-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

Network Timeout

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The requested site did not respond to a connection request and the browser has stopped waiting for a reply.

* Could the server be experiencing high demand or a temporary outage? Try again later.
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Well - damn it! I tried other sites I can obviously can visit other sites. My firewall isn't blocking it! GRRRR So, since I'm feeling 75% better I figured I'll blog yet again in a matter of a half an hour LMAO I am suck a fork... LOL and yes it does say fork not dork, I text that to hubby this morning and he sent one back saying I have to add dork to my T9 dictionary. Yesterday hubby went to ATT store and got me a phone since we had an upgrade available and my lovely iPhone was stolen at walmart. Hubby finally got me one. He asked if I wanted a Palm Centro like like I've been hinting since it was stolen. Well, we were in a little fight and I said get me whatever I dont care and hung up and stupid dumb ass didn;t get me it. Oh well instead of being the bitch that I am I should of just said yes but oh well less money on our bill as with this phone I dont have to have the data package. Our att bill is high enough... we have hubbys backjack II with the data plan, unlimited minutes & texting on both our lines, and our internet card.. comes to about 300 a month LMAO. We didn't have to pay the $200 disconnection fee since we were still keeping the line just switching it to a different plan WOOT! I would try and get on tww with hubby's phone but he took it now since I have one. I missed texting but now I have to get use to actually using the number buttons instead of a keyboard.
GUESS WHAT... I HAVEN'T HAD A CIGARETTE IN OVER A WEEK!
It rained a lot yesterday! I loved it. I had hubby open up all the windows and it was so beautiful and today is sooo nice outside.

LMAO

2008-10-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today I got an message asking why I have a 2007 calender on my wall... because my lovely children or shall I say daughter got color happy and colored on it and then I painted over it and BAM my daughter did it again. She sure did get a whooping and I did not feel like painting it again so I found my old desk calendar and my smart husband used SUPER GLUE so today I took it down (ripped some paint off OOPS) so I can show ya'll the art work behind it LMAO

Okay I got this fun post from Cassandra and it orriginated from here. It looked fun so I decided to do it LMAO
All you have to do is dump out the contents of your purse & then take a picture! Post the pic & then answer the questions!

Now whats in my favorite American Eagle purse

(I'll start at the bottom and work my way up)
Wallet
Fruit Roll up ? no clue why
Off wipes
Pens
Sticky notes (lmao it says I have an appointment next week)
recipets
my cell phone case
check book
antibacterial stuff
5 gum (my fav)
my phone
calendar
neosporian spray
money from the bank LOL
2 truck toys for my little monkey
hubby's phone
my miller USB card
keys
uno cards for some reason
make up
my inhailer
lotion
Now for the questions for this...
Whats the most important thing in your handbag?
My wallet, checkbook and inhailer, phone and usb LOL
Whats the most ebarrasing thing in your purse?
I dunno I guess the fruit roll up and uno cards
Whats the smallest thing in your puse?
My USB
Is there anything illegal in your handbag?
Better not be, hubby would arrest me!

YAY BABIES! 13 Weeks

2008-10-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Baby A & C are still beating away beautifully. I don't feel comfortable calling C "b" for some odd reason so I'll stay with C and my High Risk OB feels the same way so I am happy I switched doctors.
I still feel very crappy and this is by far the worst flu I have ever gotten in my life. I want to say thank you for all the well wishes! I feel bad for not being able to be online and comment and post on TWW like I normally do but these antibiotics should get me out of this funk shortly and I'll be back in action. It did feel good to get out of the house today for my doctors appointments even though it was only for about 5 hours and 3 hours of it was spent in the car driving LMAO
Here are the stats
A's heartbeat 160bpm 7.53cm and C's is 164bpm 7.79cm. She said that shes not too positive on the gender but 60% sure that A is a Boy and C is a girl. I am scanning the ultrasound pics now and I took a belly pic today with my web cam because hubby went shopping and carrie is at home with the flu as well (oops I gave it to her LOL). It sucks and the quality is crappy! My stomach has gotten smaller and a bit more rounder still a bit "swollen" as the Doctor said. She also said that I should be bleeding for a couple more weeks since I was so far along. SIGH! Oh - Well what can I do but rest up and stay on bed rest (until the bleeding stops) and try my hardest to get over this stupid flu LOL This m/c is by far the most painful one both emotionally and physically. I can understant the emotionall part but I wonder why it more painful pain wise. (does that make sence? LOL it does to me)

Stoopid Flu

2008-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have the flu and it put me on my ass :( I'm feeling a bit better today even though the headache hasn't gone away at all and I don't think I ever sneezed so much in my life. My throat hurts but what can I do other then sleep. That's what I've been doing since Friday LOL I have an appointment tomorrow with my new high risk ob and one with my regular doctor about this stupid flu.
However the in ground pool that we were having them build is finally done! Hubby is out buying a fence to put around it to keep the kids away and for homeowners insurance. We got hell from them when they found out we putting a pool in LOL
I don't have the energy to be on here, I'm going back to bed. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow!

My project

2008-10-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

I started a craft project with crepe paper and made some flowers out of it. Its made with the paper 1 wire per flower ( for the stem) and some floral tape :)
It took me about an hour each (I'll pull the crepe paper so it'll look more like flower pedals and leaves and not just normal paper) I'll be making 7 total. On for each baby not here with us and put them in my sunflower vase. I've only made 5 so far LOL

Up close!

B is now with our other 6 Angels!

2008-10-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

Friday I was having some mild cramping and pulling but I thought it was all normal. I was tired and felt crappy but I thought it was from hardly sleeping the night before. I slept most of Friday evening and when I woke up Saturday morning me and the bed were covered in bright red blood. I quickly ran to the bathroom and washed up. Hubby threw the sheets and comforter in the wash and we went to the ER by 10am. They did ultrasounds and blood work. All three heartbeats were there. A-152bpm B-115bpm C-142bpm They could tell the bleeding was from Baby B. It was really obvious I was miscarrying B. By 2pm ultrasound - Baby B's heart was no longer beating. Baby A & C's heart rate was 141 for both. I was able to go home by 5pm on bed rest and just spent on the couch at my dads house. We came home yesterday evening and I went straight to bed. This morning I got a call from my high risk ob nurse and she said the FT screen showed 1/250 chance that one of the babies has downs. I have a follow up with my high risk late this afternoon.
In a way I feel blessed and yet cursed at the same time. As horrible as it may sound I am glad that I miscarried now, rather then in a month or two and end up burying 3 children. I feel very blessed to still be pregnant and that A & C survived it, that I know of. That is the reason of todays follow up appointment. It wont be with my regular high risk ob as he is in the hospital doing 2 planned c-sections but it will be with this other high risk ob chick.
If one of the babies or heck both of the babies has downs. I will be happy just to have them in my arms knowing that they are safe and out of my body that has been the reason of all of this.
Hubby went into work and to my surprise he took 2 weeks leave of absence and on his way home he brought a bunch of balloon. We each wrote a note to B who we are now calling Emilie Alyssa. Hubby feels very strong that B was a girl and to help him, she can be a girl.
I am going to change my layout and change a few things around and keep my mind busy.

Thank You!

2008-10-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone :)

When hubby came home I cried and told him what happened and did the why me boohoo then he quickly got me out of that funk. I did some crafts with DD and even hubby helped. I couldn't draw leaves for the life of me so hubby drew them (they still look like poo). I am trying to help DD make her own place mat for Thanksgiving. DD is happy with it so that all that matters. Hubby is still drawing the leaves and we'll finish it up tomorrow after she gets out of school. Maybe I'll get done some scrapbook pages that I am WAY behind on LOL I will go back to TWW and DOOPS (there are alot of people that I care about and that care about me and the monkeys) but I think this weekend I'm just going to have family time. I will update my blog, read blogs and check emails but other then that, I wont be on much. Hubby actually has the weekend off for once and our relationship has been suffering a little lately since he's been working a lot.

Are we in high school or what?

2008-10-02T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, where do I start. Today I was on TWW and I was talking in one of the buddy groups and One* had mentioned that she has been cigarette free for X days. What I said in a nutshell is congrats and that I know how how it is because I too am trying to quit. Then I went on about how I don't judge woman who smoke while pregnant because I smoked the whole time with DD and until 15-20 weeks with DS. If I was to judge I would be a hypocrite. Then we both get flamed for it. No support or nothing! Me - I am not feeding into the drama and getting angry because I cannot get my blood pressure up so I left and ate some food. Me and One talked for a while off of TWW. Then it's like everyone there just turned their heads like nothing had happened. A few hours ago I got a Privet Message from someone...

Lexy,
How dare you smoke while pregnant/ttc. You are risking the lives of your children. No wonder your two children are screwed up and have medical problems! No, wonder why baby b is "slow". You are KILLING that baby. In fact I hope your triplets are born so early that they do not survive. BITCH.

Well, because of that I am NOT going back to TWW to a place where I thought I could get support. But, in turn will tell me that they hope my babies are going to die. This hit me on a very personal level and hurt a lot. I am not going to a place where I knwow I am not wanted and where someone wishes harm to me and my children and FYI - My childrens medical problems are hereditary, thank you very much!!

*Protecting her name

Evening Out! :edited:

2008-10-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today I had to get out and get everything off my mind for a little while. So, I went got my nails and toes done :) Then went to wally world and bought some cute fall decor :)
Sorry I cut this short earlier. Was dealing with my little brats LOL I'll get some pictures of the decorations tomorrow because Carrie is suppose to help me set everything up LOL So, I just left it in the bags on the table hahaha

but here's my nails and toes

First appointment with Peri

2008-10-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

I had my very first appointment with the Peri yesterday. The appointment went okay. When he was doing the measuring, he said Baby B has some markers that he doesn't like. He didn't say exactly what the markers were. So I got a FT screen. They took a shit load of blood that lasted 10 long minutes. After that I stood up and almost fainted so we had to wait there a while before we left. Also either my RE measured baby B wrong or the baby got smaller but he (i think it's a boy) was moving and swimming around like crazy.
Baby A - 11.5wks 152bpm
Baby B - 8wks 148bpm
Baby C - 12.5wks 165bpm
He said I'll have the results back within a week and then depending on the results he was to discuss CVS because the FT screen is not a diagnostic test.
I also have 25% more fluid in C's sac.
Yesterday I took a day away from the house (since he took me off modified bed rest and pelvic restriction).
My cervix is nice and long and thick and no funneling. It's at 5.1
However I have to eat more... total of 5000 calories a day :shock: I am going to be so fat hahaha and drink at least a 2 gallons of water a day. I hate water as it is LOL
I got a new prescription for my m/s. I still have to stay on the progesterone suppositories 4 times a day.

NOT ME MONDAY

2008-09-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

OK a lot of the blogs I follow and follow me do "Not me!" Mondays. So, I'm going to start doing it and hopefully add a little more fun to my blog since it's starting to revolve around the sea monkeys. LOL

I do NOT tease my son with Goldfish and throw it to watch him waddle and get it, eat it, and come back for more :giggle: NOT ME!

The other morning I did NOT wake up 10 minutes before my daughters bus was suppose to come, got her dressed, threw her hair up in a pony tail and I did NOT grab a bag of chips for her to eat for breakfast outside waiting for the bus. NOT ME!

I do NOT enjoy Carrie being here, cleaning, cooking and taking care of the things that I am suppose to be doing
and
I am so NOT taking advantage of it :giggle:

I did NOT forget to pay the credit card bills this month OOPS.

I am NOT worried my my High Risk OB will pressure me into selective reduction again.

I am NOT worried about miscarrying or go having these babies early.

This weekend!

2008-09-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend I will mostlikely not be online much because of football and we will also have my sittle sister over and my girlfriends son Jason. So, we'll be busy playing Rockband and Guitar Hero on Xbox LOL I'll be sure to get pictures :)

10.2 weeks already!

2008-09-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

Okay you're going to have to wait for ultrasound pics because Hubby is going to the store and buying me a new printer/scanner because the pictures I took of the ultrasounds sucked worst then last weeks LOL. But here are my belly pics! My, I am growing ever so fast.

Today was my very last appointment with my RE. I was teary eyed. But the sea monkies are doing GREAT! The p4 suppositories seems to be working. Maybe I'm not producing enough p4 for all the and just Baby B was suffering. But here are the stats

Baby A - 10.4 wks 165bpm

Baby B - 9.2 wks 145bpm (I am so proud of B)

Baby C - 11.2 wks 172 bpm

I started crying when he told me Baby B stats! Monkey is only a week behind and normal bpm! So I get to stay on 4 p4 sup. a day and we'll see what the peri says next week. I so cannot wait until next week maybe B will be cought up with the other two. HORRY!

15 Random things about me

2008-09-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

1. I am an organizational freak-it's so bad, it's almost obsessive-compulsive. I update my to-do lists daily, keep a calendar with appointments, and use a planner (with colorful highlighters to boot)I even labeled the cabinets int he kitchen (the draw for metal cookware says just that, plastic cookware, measuring cups - yes even they have their own draw). CRAZY HUH!
2. I got married shortly after I turned 18 years old.
3. I was separated from my husband for 7 months and almost filed for divorce in 2000.
4. I cannot stand a messy playroom, hell any room at that!!
5. Driving scares the bejeebus out of me. My driver's ed teacher way back in the day shouldn't have told me that cars are weapons and people are soft and squishy.
6. I am very environmentally-conscious and green-friendly.
7. I am addicted to hot-pockets LoL
8. I buy a purse every time I go to the store.
9. My TV is always set to the same channel.
10. I latterly go crazy with out Internet.
11. I collect dragon and GEL PENS. (don't ask how many I have, because it's in the 2,000s)
12. SCARED TO DEATH that my body will fail me again and miscarry this pregnancy!
13. For me, a meal just isn't a meal unless there's Ranch dressing. So yes, I do eat it on 95% of all my foods.
14. I feel I have accomplished more then most 26 year olds.
15. I'm in the toughest part of my life so far.... carrying the triplets.

Life Insurance & Wills

2008-09-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today hubby and I took the big step to ensure our kids get the best lives if we some how die. We always had life insurance on hubby ever since he went into police training because I know it's a dangerous job and there is always that chance he pull over/arrests the psycho pissed off person. Granted it wasn't a big one but 6 years ago we didn't have much money so we only took out $150,000 life insurance policy. I never had one but we feel it is necessary since I am pregnant with triplets and complication risks are high with all possibilities that could potentially go wrong, so we now both of us have a $500,000 policy. It was rough talking about it and everything and this pregnancy has made me very emotional so I was crying like a baby.
We also met with our lawyer and now we have wills. If he dies, I get the kids and can do what I want with the house/property and materialistic things. I get to make all medical dections if he is not capable of doing ie:pull the plug or not, donate organs if viable or not. I know how he feels about all that. So, if God forbid it happens I know what he would want me to do. Same goes if I die (I have a DNR - Do Not Resuscitate). We have it in our wills if we want to be cremated or not and who gets custody of the kids, property, and where our savings go ect ect. It was a long process and alot of things came up that I never even thought of. But it's all said and done and I admit I feel much better knowing that everything will be taken care of after we pass. It feels like a HUGE weight has lifted off my shoulders.
OMG it was so hilarious... I was joking with hubby that down the road when the kids are in their teens and 20's and learn that if we die we are worth 1 million dollars plus whatever we have in the bank, we will have to worry about them planning our deaths LMAO Yes, I know, we're sick and have twisted sense of humor.

Ranting

2008-09-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, my MIL is here for the weekend and I am going INSANE!!! I knew she was coming in yesterday and she didn't tell us she was staying the whole weekend until she was already on her way here! So, I prepared myself mentally for when she came. ie: think of good smart ass remarks to anything she may say.
I knew she would complain about us spending money on plasma TVs, re-modeling the kitchen, painting the house inside and out and just money. She trys to be very controlling and that is why we moved 3 hours away from her LoL.
First thing she does when she walks in (yes, just walks in, no ringing door bell or knocking) (T-Bone almost went crazy if I wasn't within arms lenth of grabing him by the collar he would of attacted her, because that's what he's suppose to do) anyways... she start asking why we painted the outside, and why is there a new car in the drive way. My reply "because I wanted the house painted & because we needed a car that is better on gas so we traded in Joels truck for a hybrid car, not like you're paying for it" She then asks why is there poles in the back yard outlined with string. LMAO I started giggling because I knew it will piss her off "For our IN GROUND pool" Then she gets all wide eyed and lists 2000 reasons as to why we don't need a pool. I simply said, "your son you know my husband and I want one and it will be great for the kids" Yeah and it goes on and on. She bitched about our plasmas. Like we don't need one in our bedroom. I know that, but we up-graded the one in the living room to a bigger one and then what was I suppose to do with the 32 inch one... put it in one of the kids room... I DON'T THINK SO! So, it went in our bedroom. Apparently we, have too many DVDs, gaming systems, games and toys for the kids because they are already spoiled. When she brought the kids in I was PISSED!!! That's when I called Joel and told him to get his ass home or there would be a lot of drama. I told him mom I had an appointment. Packed the kids up in the car and drove around until Joel told me he was home.
Today - she was telling how to bake cookies. That a real woman wouldn't need to hire a helper/nanny. WTF obviously she has NEVER been pregnant with triplets, put of bed rest, or had a husband that works 12 hours every day and is on call when he is not! So, besides cooking I've locked myself in the office leaving Joel to deal with his mother and as I look threw the french door windows, he gives me the evil eye and flicks me off. Sorry bubba, I love you and I married you.. not your mama!
ahh now I feel better for getting it all out of my system!

9 week Ultrasound Edited to add belly

2008-09-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

Baby A - 30mm - Measures 9 wks 160bpm

Baby B - measures 8 wks 128bpm

Baby C - 34mm - measures 9.4 wks 165bpm

It's so cute!

Baby A & C look like little Teddy Graham crackers just floating and squirming around. I saw all 6 eyes. Kinda freaky. REs not happy with my p4 so YAY I now have suppositories FUN! He's not happy at all about Baby B (he never really ways) but Baby B has only grown 3 days since last weeks u/s The bpm haven't gone up much either. To me, the sea monkey IS growing. Not, getting smaller or slowing down. I just think this one goes to it's own tune. He said to prepare for the worst but hope for the best and maybe the p4 will help. ::sigh:: I am just trying to stay positive. Hubby has been asking me constantly if I'm okay. I tell him yes but deep down, I am upset and angry. Why? because I cannot do anything. I hate not having control of any of this or my body and boy is it wearing me thin. I am doing everything I can to stay positive and keep my head up. Tomorrow my p4 should be here. The nurse gave me about 20 of them. I have to insert one at a time 4 times a day. YUK I feel like I am constantly dripping something so, panty-liners are my new friends. Tomorrow I'll have to get some more of them too.

Sorry they are crappy they are pictures of the u/s since my scanner is broken I tried sharpening it as best as possible!

Baby A

Baby B

Baby C

DRUM ROLL!!! Belly Pic at only 9 weeks YIKES and sorry for the ugly look on my face. The flash was pissing me off. It would either flash out my face or my belly but out of the 28 I took these 2 were the best!

YUP 9 weeks and in maternity pants ALREADY... OY I'm gunna be HUGE!

Loving the weather!

2008-09-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Emotionally better today and it's SOOO beautiful out side. Just going outside this morning made me in a better mood. I am so glad it's not in the 100's anymore. I just really hope it stays this nice outside for the rest of the month leading into what Texas calls a winter. See if we had this type of weather around this year every year I think they might even consider it a fall. It's in the low 80's with a beautiful wind. So nice that Carrie (our helper) and I turned off the AC and opened all the windows. We have sliding doors in the back but they are heavy and you have to undo it outside. She was wonderful and took them down all on her own. I told her to leave them until hubby gets home but she insisted.
With that all said as you can tell we hired someone - Carrie. She was the third one we interviewed yesterday. She's young for doing what she's doing but thats how she pays for college. Shes a smart girl. I give her a lot of credit! Shes going to school to become a pediatrician. This morning she brought me a frapachino from yummy Starbucks! Shes already on my good side since hubby band me from there because I would spend about 40 bucks a month there alone. HAHAHA DS seems to like her a lot or it could be the fact that she can't resist his baby blues when he reaches his hands out and looks at her with the puppy dog eyes and says "UP". She said that at the moment she has no plans for children but maybe when she finds the man of her dreams, maybe then or when ever her clock starts ticking but right now, it's hidden somewhere she said. She has a quirky sense of humor like me and Hubby said.. "Shit, there are two of you, WTF am I going to do now" We both giggled.
I think I'm going to go for now and pop in a hot pocket mmm

Hitting home!

2008-09-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

::sigh::

Things are finally hitting home. The excitement has worn off and reality finally hit...today! Well, I guess it started last night when I realized that we need to hire a helper/nanny type of person to help me with the children and house hold duties while hubby is at work. For now we only plan to have her here for about 5 hours a day until we need more help later on down the line. We have interviews with 3 ladies tomorrow. I am actually excited to get some help. House - I have a feeling that our house (that we JUST bought) isn't going to be big enough for the 8 of us. We only have a 3 bedroom. I could turn my office into a nursery but it wont be big enough for 3 cribs and 2 times the amount of clothes. I don't want to up-root either DS or DD since there will be a lot of change and less attention for them when the trio is born. I don't want them to feel as if I am pushing them away, KWIM?!? OMG.. it's TRIPLETS. Can I actually handle triplets on top of a 1 year old and a 5 year old? How? Will I lose my mind? Will I get PPD? Can I handle the roller coaster ride of the NICU? Can I handle 3 more children with medical problems (DS & DD have medical issues)? MY poor body! It's going to get so big. I fear that my husband won't find me attractive after this when my stomach is so stretched out and so saggy it will be sagging.. who wants to touch and love up on that?!? I know I will have a hard time looking at it never mind Joel.
Ugh I am starting to stress myself out and I need not to do that. But I can't help it. I'm sitting here crying just thinking of all things. I feel, I don't know how to put like overwhelmed I guess.
Oh-Well I''m off to get some support from my good friends online at 2ww!

A Conversation with the Hubby!

2008-09-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

Since hubby is on call all weekend, he got called in this afternoon. He didn't end up getting home until after the kids were asleep. I had his dinner in the microwave so I warmed it up for him then cooked me a hot-pocket since I was hungry too and sat down and ate with him.

Hubby: How you feeling?
Me: Better and hungry! How was it out there?
Hubby: It was a mad house at the shelter but we handled problems no one got hurt. I only arrested 4 people for traffic violations. That reminds me I have paper work to fill out. But I saw a few pets at the shelter that the people don't want and they gave me thier numbers and I wanted to run it by you first.
Me: Aww aint you sweet for asking first! What kind of pets? Hopfully a PIG!!
Hubby: LOL nope!................. A SNAKE!
Me: WTF HELL NO! You know very well, I HATE CRITTERS and INSECTS and CREEPY THINGS! Ayden is still a baby and we'll be having 3 more in about 6 or so months. What if it gets out at night and strangles one of the kids or me/you.
Hubby: Lexy your thinking too far into things. It's not a HUGE snake it'll only get about 2ft long. Not poision kind either.
Me: NO! If you get one, me and the kids will not be here.
Hubby: How about an iguna?
Me:NO same reasons
Hubby: Come on lexy? Ok, what about a hedge hog?
Me: And name it Sonic?
Hubby: *LMAO* that is it name already.
Me: Joel... why do you want yucky nasty critters in the house?
Hubby: Don;t even go there! Want me to name all the things YOU brought in this house! For starters.. a bunch of ducks, a goat you even brought in a claf....

:::silence for a minute:::

Me: WHATEVER... I am not touching the hedge hog, I am not feeding it and I am not cleaning the cage or whatever it lives in AND the kids WILL NOT TOUCH IT.... UNDERSTAND?!?
Hubby: got it! We'll have to go to Austin tomorrow to get a cage and such for it. Ok? We can go to the mall if you want!
Me: Trying to bribe me?
Hubby: Yeah, is it working?
Me: Mall and a thing that has millions of pokie things??!? OKAY MALL IS DOABLE

My eventful evening and IKE

2008-09-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

We were suppose to get discharged at noon. The doc called in my percription at wal-mart so I wouldn't have to wait around since he put me on modified bedrest. I packed everything up and got dressed. Called hubby and he picked the kiddos up and came to the hospital. We didn't get discharged for 3 hours GRRR We went to the medical center and picked up my new nebulizer machine. Found out that my insurance wouldn't cover it since they only do one every 5 years and the last time I got one was 4 years and 9 months ago. So, there is $215.00 dollars down the drain. We get to wal-mart and to pharmacy and they told me that the doctor never called it in BULL SHIT! I dig and dig and dig threw my purse for my iPhone so I can call my doc and it's gone. I know I had it when I went in the store because I was on it when I walked threw the doors. Then I placed it on top of my purse and I looked at the rings in the Jewlery section then went to pharmacy. Someone stole it. Hubby goes to the car to get his and we call AT&T and suspend the line. Then we call the doctor and he said he placed the order by phone hours ago and to show them the confermation paper because it has the number. So, hubby goes back out to the car and gets it. They said they typed in my name wrong and got my birthday wrong too so they have to start all over and it'll be 2 hours. WTF I was pissed off and crying because of my phone and I never put insurance on that phone! We walk around for 2 hours looking at everything and pick up water and some other canned goods for hurricane IKE. Go back to the pharmacy and the stupid fuckers said they forgot to put it in and it'll be ready by 7 (another 2 hours) when they close. OMG I blew up and bitched them a new asshole. It's 6:30 both kids are hungry, cranky and my 5 year old even took a nap in the buggy. It's still not ready so I stand at the counter as a constant reminder. LOL Finally at 7:15 they are ready but only 4 of the 6. The other 2 they did not carry. WTF I'm done and I refuse to go to wal-mart for percriptions I'll drive the extra 20 minutes to Wal-Greens.
We're on our way home and we have to stop by the storage to pick up the generator for when the power goes out. While on the way there the front tire blows. ::sigh:: Hubby changes it and off we go. When we get home I just pass out on the couch. I get on-line for a little take a bubble bath and cuddle with hubby (since we're not suppose to have sex because of my miscarriage history) and I end up falling a sleep.

What we have for when IKE hits...

Hubby got the tire fixed today and filled up the Expidition and the Prius with gas. Also got $100 in gas for the generator. Last night we bought 3 24 packs of bottled water on top of 6 or 9 gallons of water. Shitload of canned goods. Bunch of bread and peanut butter.

Fun Times In The Hospital - II

2008-09-10T10:55:00.001-07:00

::sigh:: I am still in the hospital. I was however able to have the oxygen off for about an hour. YAY I got to walk the floor but then they checked my o2 level and my stats were 90%. That was a big blow because I actually felt fine and I was all cheery to mentally ready to head on home. NOPE not to buddy. My Doctor will come again around 5-6pm to check on me again. I get to get the IV not all the way out just disconnected until I need another round of antibiotics.
I get to see the sea monkies after dinner. Have I mentioned I HATE hospital food. They have brought me fish for the past 2 days and I do NOT like fish at all. So, hubby will be bringing me some Dairy Queen later WOOT! I got weighed today... When I went in for IUI I weighed 152lbs, my weight now is 164 HAHA I have no clue how I gained that weight I highly doubt the sea monkies made me gain 12lbs oh well. I just wonder what my weight and my stomach will look like after they come out. YIKES scarry thought.
Right now I have such a weak signal for internet that I cannot go on 2ww because of all the traffic they get it's just kicking me off. Maybe later on I'll be able to get on there and post my update. Well laptop has 15% battery left so I'm going to charge it LOL

Fun Times In the Hospital

2008-09-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

Sunday I was admitted into the hospital. We went to the Emergency Room because I was wheezing BAD and my throat and chest was killing me. I was retracting as well. They couldn't do an x-ray on my chest because of the babies so they did and ultrasound *Now that was strange. I had to bare my goodies for that lmao!* Results are pneumonia and dehydration. I was put on oxygen 3.5 liters of it with breathing treatments every 2 hours with an IV of fluid and antibiotics.
Monday - More antibiotics and still every two hours. Got to see the sea monkeys (triplets) again. The (male) nurse is raving about it. **he's kinda hot too but, shhh I never said that** Nice to be thinking when he's probing me with the magic wand for the ultrasound. This is his first time with triplets so he's very interested. GLAD TO POP HIS CHERRY HAHAHA anyways they are doing good.
(I will be 8 weeks tomorrow)
Baby A - measuring 8 weeks 130bpm
Baby B - measuring 7.4 wks 122bpm
Baby C - measuring 8.3 wks 131bpm
Haven't gotten sick since yesterday. I've eaten a few small things but other then that the IV fluids and Dr. Pepper is holding me over.
Tuesday - Today's been a little better. They tested me for MRSA (form of Staph infection) and I tested positive for it. They said I could of gotten it from my RE or just that my immune system is weak and came in contact with someone else that had it even at the grocery store. Oh-well, that just adds another antibiotic to the list GRRR Good news though around 3pm they pushed th breathing treatments to every 3-4 hours YAY I can actually get more then two hours of sleep THANK GOD! If my oxygen can stay up above 95% for 4 hours I get to go home :) They lowered my oxygen to 2 liters So, I'm happy.
Sea Monkeys are still doing good, I had another ultrasound this evening... however I am worried about Baby B the hot sexy tech didn't seem worried but spent an extra 20 minutes on baby B
Baby A - 8.1 wks 132bpm
Baby B - 7.4 wks 115bpm
Baby C - 8.4 wks 134bpm

Right now I'm going to take a little itty bitty nap since I just finished a treatment and they wont bug me for another 3 hours

Stoopid AT&T

2008-09-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

I am so agravated at our internet company. Cannot stay connected for crap or it wont connect at all. GRRR!

Hanging in!

2008-08-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well I am hanging in. My stomach is constantly in a knot. I'm starting to hold things down thanks to a trick I learned on a triplet website. That after you eat the small means threw out the day, go outside for a walk. Since we live in the middle of no where. I just walk the property make sure the all the animals are okay and have enough hay and the automatic troff is working fine. At night I just walk within the glow from the outside lights. I will NOT venture out at night since there is coyotes and wild hogs.

I am trying sooo hard to talk hubby into us hiring someone to put in a pool. I don't care if it's in ground or not. I want a pool and I think it will be good for the pregnancy and also the monkey kids will absolutely love it. Plus if we ever want to sell our house, it'll make the value go up LoL.

We made our decision on the selective reduction. We were going to get a second opinion about Baby B. But, we have talked, cried and even laughed but we are letting nature take it's course. I am very proud of my uterus so far. It's holding in these babies better then I thought. I was so sure I would of miscarried one - all three by now. I think this pregnancy might actually be the one!! ::knock on wood:: My RE said that all 3 implanted on a part that doesn't have scar tissue so I am actually getting excited and letting my guard down a little. I couldn't sleep much at all last night and started going over baby names...
I like these for girls
Emilie (German form of Emily) Alysse
Emmaline Alyson
Emmalyn Alyssa
I just now hope hubby will like them and I haven't really found boys names that made me o0o!

Houston we have heartbeats!!

2008-08-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today I went in for my second ultrasound!!!! We saw 3 beautiful heartbeats!! Hubby got all teary eyed and I poked fun of him because I'm just mean like that. If he only knew of all the times I cried so far. This one is going to make me an emotional train wreck when I am not the emotional type. We did talk about Baby B (we're thinking that one might not make it) I also talked to my high risk ob that I will be transferring to in 6 more weeks (I will be 12 weeks gestation).

Baby A - 120bpm (s)he is measuring 0.80cm
Baby B - 115bpm (s)he is measuring 0.76
Baby C - 121bpm (s)he is measuring 0.82

We got the talk of selective reduction (SR) again and this time they (RE & high risk OB) hinted very much that we should SR Baby B. They looked at the scan results from last weeks ultrasound. Baby B was measuring behind then too. His heart rate is a lot slower by 5bpm and is still a lot smaller.I was told that 20% of triplets spontaneously miscarriage... that is all 3 babies. GRRRREAT.. I did not need to know that given my track record. And SR carried it's own set of risks for miscarriage. Do we keep all three? Do we let Baby B suffer? There is a risk losing all three either way. The point of us doing fertility treatments was so that we could have a baby not get rid of a baby. What if we do SR.. Will I regret it? Will it hunt me for the rest of my life? What if the procedure causes me the miscarry all 3. My mind is plagued by all the what ifs.

Was ban from anything internet wise

2008-08-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

It was confirmed by ultrasound that I am very cautiously expecting TRIPLETS. WOW, I know. We saw 3 very pretty sacks sitting in my uterus. The sacs measured Sac A - 3mm Sac B - 2.8mm Sac C - 4.2mm
We are excited but scared shitless at the same time. Tomorrow I go for another ultrasound to see heartbeats! I am excited about that one as well.

Sorry I was so late posting this. Friday - Hubby ban me from bringing the laptop & my iPhone since we had a mini vacation/celebration at a casino in Oklahoma. First day I spent 100 bucks and won 400 so WOOT I made a profit of 300. I am so proud because I can never win on slots. Hubby - he's a lucky duck and makes me mad! He was 600 and only spent $20 at the first pop. We went up there with 500.00 and came home with 1200.00 I am so proud of us. Granted we spent 100.00 in gas LoL It's okay we had fun!

Monkey girl is at school today :( I cried and as I was walking away. I don't know if it's my hormones that are making me so sappy lately or I am actually starting to not a be bitch LoL.

post more later feel so sick

Rambling from the heart

2008-08-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today has been somewhat emotional for hubby an I. First, I wake up and there is a slight bloody show on my toilet paper. It's dark dark brown and I breath a sigh of relief as I know from previous IUIs and pregnancy and what seems like billions of miscarriages it old blood from implantation again. This is the second time it came out this cycle.

Hubby came home late from work as we had to pay the RE some more money and fix the screw up. It's suppose to just come right out of our bank account each month that we are billed. So, ultrasound still on thank God!

I went over finances on how much we've spent on fertility treatments since February when we started seeing the RE. Including hubby's Semen Analysis we've spent ... almost 10,000 including medication. The only thing my insurance covers is blood work and ultrasounds. Everything else is out of pocket. Seeing how much we spent in 6 months made me have an anxiety attack. I haven't had one since the m/c when I was 12 weeks. I told hubby about what happened to me and he freaked out complaining why didn't I call him and blah blah blah. I just walked out of the room and went on the computer in the office.

I'm sadden that my daughter is starting Kindergarten this coming Tuesday ::sigh::

My son finally said Mom after he's been saying all kinds of Dad shit like dad-dad, dada, dad, daddy and he said mom ONCE and that is all I needed to hear!!! I got all teary eyed.

Hubby and I talked about the dreaded selective reduction. The results.. Twins - no SR, triplets - no SR and I highly doubt quads but we've said NO THANK YOU to that one as well. Before all that Hubby asked what I thought. I sat on the couch hands on my stomach looking down and then looking at my two children who are also right there, I cannot just simply reduce a child of mine. Not one that we long and yearn for so desperately. I will do whatever it takes to have a full term pregnancy again.

I should be a sleep but I cannot sleep. I dunno why. Maybe it's the excitement of tomorrow ultrasound to see the sack(s). So, here I sit in bed hubby sleeping next to me the laptop on my lap and making the room glow so much that hubby actually put a pillow over his head LoL. W have to be up at 5:45am and it's 1am and I am NOT sleepy at all.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE EYE BALLS!! CALLING THE DUST FAIRY!! I NEED SLEEPY DUST!

Our Infertility in a nut shell

2008-08-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

Updated : 10/23/08

September 02 - got pregnant with DD

April 03 - Emergency C-Section which resulted an a BAD infection and LOTS of scar tissue (my problem now is making them stick due to the scar tissue) and a long malpractice suite that we won just last year finally and she lost her medical license to ever practice AGAIN! Glad that she cannot do this to any other woman.

December 03 - M/C @ 4.5 wks

April 04 - M/C @ 8.6wks - Hubby Low sperm count in 1million and 35% motility

September 04 -M/C @ 10.2wks needed D&C (that's when we noticed the massive amount of scar tissue and that helped our malpractice case unfortunately a whole different post in itself)

May 05 - M/C @ 12.3wks another D&C My OBGYN sent us to the RE

We didn't have the money for the RE at the time so it got put on the back burner.

January 06 - BFP - all on our own WOOT!

September 07 - Planned C-Section at 39.5wks to a beautiful boy

February 08 - Unmediated IUI - BFP - M/C @ 6.3wks

May 08 - Clomid 50mg cd3-7 & IUI - BFP - M/C @ 7.4wks

August 08 - NOW... WILL UPDATE WHEN KNOW MORE
-- Clomid 50mg cd3-7
-- U/S cd10 showed follies - right 20mm, 19mm Follies on left - 17mm, 15mm & 12mm
-- Trigger shot on cd11
-- IUI cd13
-- HPT faint BFP 10dop 9dpIUI
-- 14dpIUI/15dpo beta - 689 & p4 = 64
-- 16dpIUI/17dpo beta - 1962 & no p4 results known
-- 18dpIUI/19dpo beta - 4829 & no p4 results known
-- 8/22 Ultrasound - 3 beautiful sacs - Sac A - 3mm - Sac B - 2.8mm - Sac C - 4.2mm *no heartbeats shown on ultrasound*
-- 8/27 Ultrasound - 3 heartbeats - A @120bpm B @115 bpm C @121bpm Measurements A @ 0.80cm - B @ 0.76cm - C @ 0.82cm (RE & MFM wants to selectively reduce baby B)
-- 8/29 - NO SELECTIVE REDUCTION!
-- 9/7 Hospitalized for dehydration, pneumonia & MRSA
-- 9/10 Ultrasound - Baby A @136 Baby B @120 Baby C @137bpm
--9/12 Discharged from hospital on modified bedrest for 4 weeks
--9/17- Follow up with reg doc for MRSA & pneumonia
--9/18 - (9wks) - Baby A - 30mm - Measures 9 wks 160bpm -- Baby B - measures 8 wks 128bpm -- Baby C - 34mm - measures 9.4 wks 165bpm
--9/25 - (10.2wks) - Baby A - 10.4 wks 165bpm --Baby B - 9.2 wks 145bpm (I am so proud of B) -- Baby C - 11.2 wks 172 bpm
--10/1 - (11wks) Baby A - 11.5wks 152bpm --Baby B - 8wks 148bpm --Baby C - 12.5wks 165bpm. FT test. Triplet C has 25% more fluid
--10/3 - (11wks) Miscarried Triplet B - Emilie Alyssa - got news that one of the babies has down syndrome Cervix - 5.1
--10/14 - (13wks) SWITCHED MFMs - A's @ 160bpm 7.53cm and C's @ 164bpm 7.79cm. 60% sure that A is a BOY and C is a GIRL.
--10/22 - (14.1wks) A's heartbeat@ 134 C's heartbeat @ 147bpm. Iron is REALLY low. Got some iron pills and protein in urine
--10/23 - Glucose test

Am I seeing double trouble in the future?

2008-08-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

I just got the call back from the RE's office about my beta results....

Today is 14dpIUI 15dpo and its

698

WOW

I am extremely excited but since the numbers are so high I believe there are 2 or more and that makes me worried. (Not in a bad way.) I just worry if my body can carry more then one because of my scar tissue. The nurse said my progesterone levels are good 64. I haven't researched progesterone levels so I guess that's what I'm off to after my post.

I don't know if it was my nerves or morning sickness actually kicking in but I'm going to make an list of my symptoms update it each time something new happens LMAO and at time there are times I bet there will be TMI.

Blah feeling
sore boobs
very sensitive to change nipple ring
bloated

So happy I could pee my pants

2008-08-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and first and only thing that was on my mind was pee-ing on a digital pregnancy test WOOT

Thoes 5 minutes seemd to last 10 minutes.

I waited and waited and POP I see PREGNANT!

OMG OMG OMG

Hubby left for work hours before I even attempted to get my ass out of bed. I took a picture of it and sent it to Hubby. He called me back ASAP and I could hear the excitment in his voice and then that made me get all sappy and cry BLAH I hate when I get all mushy wushy.

This evening I also pee'd on a non digital since I had one left in the open pack that I bought on bulk at Sam's Club LMAO ::I will post picturesat the bottom of this post::

Monday is our Beta... I will be 15dpo and 14dpIUI WOOT Last night and this morning I was telling myself that I am not going to get excited about it because my last two pregnancies ended in a miscarriage BUT it is so hard not to when you are looking at the word "Pregnant" on the pregnancy test.

Hubby and I talked about what if I have andother miscarriage and mine and his fears. Tonight I'll start typing up a draft about all that and post it when I am done.

Here are the positive pregnancy tests

Can You See It???

2008-08-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

DOES IT LOOK LIKE A POSITIVE?????

Bad Pee Sticks

2008-08-12T13:03:00.000-07:00

It is 9dpo 8dpIUI & 10dpTRIGGER....

I haven't blogged because I've been trying to keep myself busy by re-modeling my kitchen and it worked... until last night. I took a pregnancy test and nothing. It was negative.I left it on the counter and finally 5 hours later I threw it out and it took my hopes for this cycle right along with it.

I have no symptoms other then cramping and mild bloating. I have nothing else to go on other then that. I tried my hardest not to get my hopes up but I they were and now I just feel blah.

Our kitchen is coming along nice. Hubby bought me a new fridge and stove. They are both the touch button kind and I do not have to fill up ice trays :) I love the stove. It has no annoying knobs and the burners are flat. WOOHOO! Last night we ate out at an all you can eat buffet. It was delicious. I think that's why I feel bloated today. Tonight I will be making Breakfast Pizza for dinner. MMMM I cannot wait. I haven't had that since I was a child. It was always a childhood favorite dish.

Hubby should be home within the next 10-15 minutes. I'm glad. Today has been a shitty day emotionally because I've been dealing with alot of emotions. Like if this cycle doesn't work our RE has changed his mind and does NOT want us to go for IVF he rather us use a Gestational Surrogate. At first I had NO clue was a surrogate was so I did alot of research and I just feel very overwhelmed. I'm not going to get into it too much on this post as I have alot of emotions I have to deal with that I have to make a post in itself.

It's all about the hoo-ha & Birthday presents

2008-08-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Monday was the IUI and while at the fertility clinic some funny things happened. We got there around 12 when our appointment was at 12:45 (It's an hour and a half drive for us, so we got there early). They called us back and I got undressed and jumped up on the cold table and placed that paper sheet over my goods. Hubby being the smart ass that he is takes his phone out of his pocket and lifts up the sheet and takes a picture. I ask why did you do that for. He says to help him out when he goes to do his thing. At the moment of him taking the picture the nurse walks in ... nice HUH! She starts to giggle and says why go to another room to collect your sample when you can just do it here then bring me it. Hubby says OKAY really fast in a high pitched voice LMAO Nurse walks out laughing. So hubby takes the paper sheet off and does his thing into the cup. It's nice to know that your husband can get off just looking at your hoo-ha HAHA
He hands it to the nurse and she said it'll be a little while as they have to wash it so watch TV with wife in the room. Half an hour goes buy and my RE and our nurse comes in and woohoo time to get the party started. RE asks if hubby had fun in here. I laugh so hard I almost pee'd myself. Did the IUI and waited about a half an hour per the RE then went and bought some birthday gifts for ourselves.

We ended up at Best Buy. Hubby has been wanting a Play Station 3 (PS3) forever!! I didn't think it was necessary since we have Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, and Game Cube. After him watching the demo on one of the TVs that they had it on for 35 minutes. He asked if he could get that. I said very jokingly that he could if he got me an 52 in plasma tv with a stand. He said okay. WOW! So, yeah we ended up getting a PS3 and the TV I wanted plus a few games and a couple blue ray movies LMAO I just love my hubby!! We already had a 32inch plasma in the living room so now that on is in our bedroom LoL and not to mention hubby texted me this morning if he could get surround sound for the living room and I said do what you want. So, we finally put our stimulus checks to good use plus a few extra bucks that we were saving to use to put in a pond in our yard. I do want a pond with fish but right now is not a good time. I still have to till the yard for the garden that we been trying to get going but weather has been killing our yard.
Today I hooked up the Xbox, Wii and PS2, DVD player and BlueRay player to the new TV for hubby. Hubby already had the PS3 hooked up LoL and has been playing on it non stop since Monday night. I admit, Husband was right... we should of gotten PS3 sooner. The graphics are 10 times better then Xbox 360.

Baby in the making?

2008-08-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the REs office. Ultrasound showed 5 matured follicles YIKES and 3 small ones.
Follicles on the Right - 20mm and 19mm
Follicles on the Left - 17mm 15mm and 12mm

RE gave me the percription for the trigger shot to use tomorrow night since he doesn't want me to over stimulate and have this cycle go to waste. He said he was very glad he made the decision that I go in to see him today as this whole cycle could of been a bust. Hubby will fill it when he gets home from work as with 2 kids cranky as hell that has not taken any naps. I didn't feel like taking them to the pharmacy at all.
We talked about a million things. All the What Ifs...

What if this cycle doesn't work then what

Talked about one more IUI cycle with 50mg clomid. He won't up the clomid as my body responds well to it.

Talked about IUI with donor Sperm

Talked about IVF

Talked about IVF with a Gestational Surrogate if we are still miscarrying seeing as my scar tissue is preventing the pregnancies to stick or so it seems to the RE possibly with donor sperm if the first transfer doesn't go well.

What if this cycle DOES work

Seeming as there are so many follicles there high chance of a multiple pregnancy.

Talked about Selective Reduction if there are a high order of multiples. My thoughts are is that I cannot personally choose what one of my children that my husband and myself worked so hard to get to just simply reduce. So, my choice is not to have any Selective Reduction done at all. But Husband was not there and I will consider his views as well and when the time comes we will deal with it.

Talked about he will monitor me longer then most as I've had a M/C at almost 13 weeks. He said he will keep me under his wing until 15 weeks.

Hoary for Monday... The IUI

RE called

2008-08-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

Our RE's office called and changed the ultrasound from tomorrow to... TODAY! ::DOING THE SHAKING ASS HAPPY DANCE:: For some reason I am actually excited about this round. Last round I was so nervious.

BBL have drive an hour and a half LMAO

Stoopid Monkey

Cycle Day 9

2008-07-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

Well today my firends is CD9 and OY I am having hot flashes like my MIL going threw menapause :X Snappy very snappy at Hubby. I alway applogise after and tell him to please understand it is not me it's the Clomid.Two more LONG days and I get to see what is brewing on my insides. I pray that there are good size follies and then can get my trigger shot then do our IUI again.

Update more later

Stoopid Monkies!

The Dreaded About Me Post

2008-07-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

::updated 9.9.08::
I am a stay at home mother to my two wonderful children. My oldest girl is 5 years old and my youngest boy will be a year old in just a few short months. I am very happily married and we're trying to conceive a third baby. With some issues (explained below) We live in in the country of small town in Texas. We have farm animals (chickens, goats, cows and wild hogs). We love it here. Our children have medical abnormalities (also explained below). I love to scrap-book both paper and digitally. I LOVE photography. I am going to upgrade my digital camera that my Husband just spent $500 buck-a-roos on in January for a Digital SLR camera. Just have to save up the 2,000 buck-a-roos for that. We just bought a brand new house in the middle of NOWHERE VILLE! ::sigh:: Hubby loves to please me and bought me a dream house. I love it and couldn’t ask for anything better plus it‘s on 34 acers. It has a fire place, wrap around deck, play room (was second living room), office, mini bar and of course 3 bd 3 ba and all the other normal stuff. My husband says I have a Gypsy/Hippie soul. I’ve changed our life style to live GREEN (echonomy friendly). Yeah not the normal, change your light bulbs to the energy efficient ones but more in depth to where it affect our every day life. Explain in a later post. I’ll also make a post of how Hubby and I met and been together since I was 12 years old except for a little while when he was in the Army and we had our issues. I use to be a legal admin. asst. for an awesome law firm. I quit that job to be able to stay home and we were activly trying to pregnant and it was in thye way of RE appointments and just couldn't get that much time off. Hubby has a scarry job of a State Trooper. It worries me a lot and I spend a lot of nights just listening to the scanner to make sure nothing has happened to him. He loves it tho, and I support him no matter what he wants to do.

Fertility issues: I've made a post about it so, you can read it here if you haven't yet

Children Medical Issues:
Our Daughter Story
Our daughter who is 5 years old has been thew A LOT in her short life. She has seen the light but thankfully her booty turned around and came back to momma. She was born at exactly 38 weeks however her heart rate kept plummeting after my water broke and I was 8cm dilated. Stupid head doctor wouldn't let me finish laboring and have her vaginally. I ended up getting a screwed up c-section (another post itself that I'll soon do because it's one of the factors in my infertility). She was born with underdeveloped lungs. When she was 6 months old it took a turn for the worst. We took her to the ER they didn't even have us fill out ANY paper work what so ever. They just took her back and into a room where the evaluated her and then they told me that they would need to put her in a medicine induced coma and have intubated. I signed the papers and we had to leave the ER area and go into the triage area. Hours later we were able to go back to see my little baby in a coma with tubes EVERYWHERE!!! LONG story short while she was intubated there was a problem the tube came out and her heart stopped for 4 minutes. Then called for all these test on her brain and heart. We found out that she has ASD (Atrial Septal Defect) A hole in her heart that is hereditary trait on my family side.

Our Sons Story
Pregnancy went off without a problem WOOHOO! Planned C-section for exactly 40 weeks. I went into labor at exactly 39 weeks. Had my c-section and he was born weighing 9.12lbs 24 inches. BIG BABY! When he was 3 months old I asks his PCP about his feet & toes. They didn't look normal. They are all the same length and shaped odd. Asked about his sternum as it sinks in. Also asked about his tongue. Come to find out our son has 3 congenital abnormalities.